Tuesday, June 30, 2015

How Being a Mom Helps Me

Sometimes being stranded alone on an island, doesn't sound so bad. Quiet. Peaceful. Sounds of the ocean. All to myself! Not worrying about anyone else. Not seeing anyone's opinions on social media. Not comparing myself to that beautiful pregnant girl, who's 8 inches taller then I am, who's got perfect hair and legs for days. Leaving my phone behind, no more calls or text messages! Getting the chance to have the best night of sleep not worrying about all the things I need to do the next day... And then I remember how much I hate bugs, mice, and other strange animals... Then that stranded on an island dream starts to fade...

Some mornings, I just don't want to get out of bed. Not because I'm depressed, but because I need to wash the same bottles I just washed 4 days ago. I need to vacuum the same carpet that was vacuumed 3 days ago. I need to do the same dishes I just did yesterday. I'm going to have to change several diapers on a baby who won't sit still. I'm going to try on another shirt that isn't going to fit this growing belly. I'm going to have to cook... again. These don't motivate me to get out of bed.

But I do it anyway, because this boy...




... deserves the BEST mama in the whole world!!! So I get up, leave the annoying thoughts behind me and put on my super mom cape.

I roll around on the ground and crawl on the hard, cold tile just to play with him. I spin him around and through him the air until I feel like I'm going to throw up. I carry him even when my arms are tired. I sing goofy songs and make up tunes that my husband probably laughs at me for. I avoid turning on the TV when he's not sleeping.

For years I struggled with a depressive attitude. My husband did a great job of helping me. But I owe the majority of the credit to this sweet boy!

This didn't happen over night. I woke up a few days ago and realized I haven't felt the way I used to for a while! Being a mom has given me a great purpose to live and to really feel alive! Being a mom has given me an excuse to eat healthier and care more about my physical and mental health. Being a mom can be stressful. I have raised my voice. I have wanted to pull my hair out. I have cried.. A LOT! I have put my son in his crib when I just couldn't deal with him. But he is my reason for waking up every morning and being the best person I can be.

But he's not the only one. Jaxon won't be an only child. Maybe this pregnancy has turned my hormones for the better? We still have 2 and a half weeks until we find out this baby's gender. But it's an angel. It's up there looking down on me and cheering for me every day. Why? Because it wants and deserves the BEST mama and it wants to make sure I am doing all I can to be that. It's the sweetest little thing not causing me any morning sickness. (It really is an angel :) )

My kids won't care what number I see on the scale, they don't care if I'm the most fashionable mom, and they don't care how many likes I get on Instagram. They just want me to be happy, healthy, fun, kind to others, and to know how much I love and support them. So I work harder on my marriage not only for Jordan and I, but also for my kids so they can have the best parents. I work harder on myself to be better. I read the scriptures with a little more intent. I pray with more of my heart then repetition. I ask the Lord to help me be better for them. Because my kids deserve the absolute best part of me. They healed me. They make me better.




I can only pray to be half as loving, caring, and kind-hearted as my son. :) video   video



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