Thursday, October 16, 2014

To Opinionated Mothers

I'm a new mom, my baby will be 4 months old, 2 days from now. It seems that everywhere I look there is always contention on what is best for my baby. Breast Feeding vs Bottle Feeding, to Immunize or Not, Delivery with Medication or no Medication, Induction?, Crib, Bassinet or Your Bed, Stay at Home or Working Mom. Everyone has their opinion on what they think.



Well here is mine.. CHILL OUT!

*Breast Feeding vs Bottle Feeding*
Before Jaxon was born, Jordan and I were very set on Breast Feeding. The lady who taught our 'Preparing for Birth' class was a lactation consultant, so OF COURSE she was going to talk up nursing. Jaxon did well with latching on (some babies don't). But just 2 weeks after he was born my milk supply basically diminished. I felt I was starving him, so after a few weeks of nursing and supplementing, he became just a formula baby. For ME this made my life easier. It is nice being able to have other people feed him. I don't need to nurse to bond with my baby. Anyone who sees Jaxon and I together can see how much we love and adore each other. I was stressed so much while nursing, it hurt my uterus (which I didn't mind so much because it was contracting smaller), but it felt like my energy was being sucked right out of me and into him. So he had energy and I was a zombie. Also, due to wanting to catch up on sleep in the morning, I didn't eat breakfast until noon or 1-2 pm much of Jaxon's first month of life.. of course I was going to dry up, I didn't have enough calories. I was also stressed every moment that he was sleeping if he were still breathing. I know a lot of mother's worry about that but mine is a bit extreme. For those who don't know, I placed my first baby boy for adoption when I was 17 years old. I am very protective of Jaxon since I've waited 9 years for him. So the stress of his safety also took a tole on my body. As long as your child is being fed, I don't think God has a preference on this in general. For me, not breastfeeding is a blessing, for others breastfeeding is beautiful and they love doing it, and that's fantastic too! There is no medal either way for how you choose to feed your child. Do what is best for you and your baby, it's not the same for everyone.



*To Immunize or Not*
Let's be honest.. my sister and I choose to immunize, but let's say she decided not too, how does that affect Jaxon? or How would my immunized child  affect hers? It doesn't. Period.



*Birth with Medication or Not, Induction?*
I don't like to refer to birth without medication as 'natural birth' because guess what?! My babies still came out down there! Also, I don't like using 'natural birth' as a term for 'vaginal birth' because I in no way want to devalue the birth of mothers who deliver by Cesarean. I had an epidural with both of my boys. I LOVED it! My first came on his own a week early and my second was induced a week early. I LOVED BOTH EXPERIENCES! My sister's water broke on its own, but contraction didn't start on their own, so they were induced. She also had an epidural. Again, had she had a medicine free delivery at home, how again would that have affected me or my son? It wouldn't have. Every person is different and so is every pregnancy. When I have another child, I don't know if I will be induced or not, it will depend on that time what seems best. I know I will have an epidural again though. I don't want to go through all that pain. Some people say "well women have been doing this forever with out medicine" Well my answer to that is a lot more women and children used to DIE during birth too, so No Thank You! I'll do it my way and you do it yours. Again there is NO MEDAL, NO AWARD, NO RECOGNITION other than a "good for you" for doing it anyway you want. There is no special place in the Kingdom of God for Women who gave birth a certain way.



*Crib, Bassinet, Your Bed*
Before Jaxon was born, there was a book I read that I was set on following. There was a schedule and I was planning on having him sleep in his crib from the moment we got home. Well, that plan slapped me in the face! I couldn't part with Jaxon and neither can my husband. I hadn't even purchased a bassinet because I was so set on him being in his crib. Anxiety kicked in as I thought about Jaxon being all alone in another room. I knew I would be put every 5 mins to make sure he was still breathing. Jaxon also could not sleep if it wasn't right by me. Jordan and I decided the best thing for us was to have Jaxon sleep in the bed with us. We ALL slept better this way. Jaxon didn't even take a nap without laying on one of us at home until he was 2 months old. After 2 months I was able to put him down for naps in the bassinet and it transitioned into him sleeping there at night. Now I am transitioning him into naps in his crib so that eventually he can sleep there at night. Jaxon might be ready to sleep in his crib, but honestly, I'm not. I can't handle him in another room yet. Jordan and I are luckily on the same page. Sometime Jaxon will start fussing at 5am and I just put him in bed with us and he calms down and sleeps again. I remember trying to justify this to Jordan and he just said, "It's okay, I don't mind him in the bed with us." WOW! That was such a relief for me. Our next child might not have to sleep with us, or maybe it will. But either way, every mom deserves the right to choose for her child what SHE (and her partner) feels is best without judgement. Maybe Jaxon will be that kid at 5 years old who gets scared and comes in our bed cause I 'spoiled' him.. We don't care. If my child needs my comfort he is more than welcome to come to us to get it. I don't even care if he does that when he is 15 years old! I want him to always come to me when he needs comforting. Some may say that's wrong to have him sleep in bed with us, but again... How does it affect anyone else? Jordan and I find plenty of time other than at night to be intimate and have our alone time. It isn't affecting our marriage negatively, so don't let it affect you :)



*Stay at Home vs Working Mom*
I have been a stay at home mom for 4 months now. I do not plan to work full-time every (unless after they have all graduated, I choose too). I want to work though. I plan to get my Master's and work Part Time as a Marriage and Family Therapist once I'm done having kids and they are all in school. Part Time because we plan to live within the means of my Husband's income so that my income is fun money income or savings income and because I WANT to work but I also WANT to go to my kids games and activities. I've heard so many opinions from "I don't miss those days" and "I would have had more kids if I knew they'd be fun when they get older" to "these days go by so fast and then they grow up" and "enjoy it now." I've seen working mom's who feel superior because they work and mom who feel superior staying home because it's the "harder job".

Neither is superior. I love my son like any other mother. But I also love me time and get out of the house and work time. But I also could not work full time given the choice because I don't want to miss most of my son's waking hours. Stay at home mom's try to justify how 'hard' it is to stay home. I KNOW that it can be difficult, but nothing else is as rewarding. I don't want Jaxon growing up to me talking about how 'hard' it is raising him.  I don't want him to think he's a burden. Whether you think working or stay home is the more difficult job, again There is NO REWARD for having the "Harder" job. I don't even want whatever the "harder" job is! When you focus on what's harder you don't leave much room for enjoying life and appreciating the beauty. I want the easier job. I am not interested in a 'who's job is more difficult' battle. You can win that game all you want.



Please stop giving advice, (unless asked) on motherhood. Each mom will be guided to what is best for her and her baby. Let other moms enjoy their roles, stop trying to belittle them for not doing what you'd do.

Believe it or not, God gave us commandments to make our lives easier and more enjoyable. So in all my decisions I'm looking for the easier, least painful, more enjoyable choices. I will enjoy being a mother. There are plenty of other things in life to suffer through and think are 'hard'.. Parenting (and my Marriage) aren't going to be them.


With all due Respect,
-A-